A STORY OF HOPE…CONFIDENTLY WALKING THROUGH LIFE WITH OUR LADY
By Tinnette Bartolome Nisce | HS 1982
“What peace can we hope to find elsewhere if we have none within us”
St. Teresa of Avila
In December 2018, I was diagnosed with Lung Adenocarcinoma, cancer that affects Asian women who don’t smoke. I had no symptoms except I had a prolonged cough (April to December), like a bad allergy, that would “attack” when everything was silent. Because it can be embarassing, especially during mass, I had myself checked.
The doctor recommended that I have an xray and that started the discovery of a Stage 2B cancerous tumor on the lower lobe of my right lung. On January 25, 2019, 1 successfully underwent thoracic surgery, where the lower lobe of my right lung was removed, along with the culprit.
I had four rounds of Chemotherapy (from February to May 2, 2019). With all the steroids pumped into my body, I looked like Jollibee celebrating Labor Day! All was expected to be well after the surgery & the chemotherapy but my quarterly CTScans were not very conclusive. There was always that spec of dust visible on my remaining lungs.
In 2021, my family decided to seek a second medical opinion in Singapore. Because of Covid, I entered as a Medical Tourist, and was allowed only one traveling companion. A wheelchair met me at the Arrival Area, which I refused to sit on as I was very well & capable of walking. My husband & I were brought directly to the hospital where my Doctor was, in an ambulance! I also refused to lie down on the stretcher!
After quite a number of tests, it was concluded, the cancer is back in the same location, my lungs. No metastasis seen elsewhere, so l’d say, this is a blessing. My Singaporean doctor informed me that because my cancer recurred, I am now Stage 4 (cancer does not know how to count. What happened to Stage 3??) and I will be on palliative care.
I was prescribed an expensive drug as maintenance with no end date (so there’s a possibility that there is a thing as “forever”). For as long asit is doing its job in keeping the cancer away, I will take it, once a day, everyday.
Whatever chaos is happening in my body, all I know is, after all the swelling wore off sometime in June 2019, when I looked human again, I felt good & still feel good to this day. I never asked God, why me? Because when things are well, I don’t ask Him, why? When I was diagnosed, all I prayed for, really hard, is that He stays beside me, that He will not make me enter into depression and to please spare me from unbearable pain. The cost of my maintenance drug is very painful BUT the pocket is not part of my body.
I look forward to waking up everyday. I have so many activities I want to do, and (hopefully) do well. I have the best support group and inspiration from my family, friends and people I meet. I still volunteer when I can. My out of town outreach activities are not back to normal though compared to the years prior to my diagnosis and Covid. But in my heart, I know in His time, it will be back to its regular programming, soon. God may have closed the door of perfect health on me.
But He opened the windows of inner joy and peace. Problems come and go, its never ending but nothing can get my goat. I try to pick up my cross, everyday, gracefully. When there are extra-challenging days, I raise my eyes & hands to the Heavens and make a T-sign. T for Timeout, Lord! Then I feel His warm embrace & Mama Mary’s. I believe that it is during our worst times that He embraces us. I feel it!
Besides, in all our hardships & humiliation, He’s been through it, ahead of us. So the best is to always keep our faith, regardless. The end result is unexplainable peace & joy within. So hold on tight, no letting go. Tiqvah!
Tiqvah, a Hebrew word that means hope, cord or rope; the cord of hope.